the title goes here

today there was a group of girls who dressed up like the pink ladies, with the neon jackets like the ones we got for serenades. nostalgia. 

we got the music for winter wonderland, carol of the bells, and we wish you a merry christmas in choir today, and while singing and doing the winter wonderland dance (i’m such a bad dancer it’s not even funny) i was so very much reminded of last year.

i ran to get it out and took my contacts out in the process… but i forgot that i haven’t gotten my new glasses yet.

excuse me while i lean in an inch away from the screen to see what i’m doing

3/4 a page under the 5-page minimum and lacking evidence, it’s really an abomination.

you can tell an essay is pure bs when the introductory paragraph is longer than each of the body paragraphs… combined, if include the background info in the intro.

but i really just can’t bring myself to get too worried about it…

in high school, my dad was a computer geek. a disco-hating, rock-loving computer geek.

at his school, the place where everyone ate lunch was a grassy area with little rolling hills. the jocks sat on the wall of the gym, the nerds sat across the way, everyone had their little spot.

my dad and his friends lived for one thing: starting food fights. they’d hide behind one group and throw apples or some kind of food at the wall of the gym right above the jocks’ heads so it’d fall on them. the jocks would look for who did it and see the nerds, so they’d throw food back at them, and pretty soon everyone was throwing food at each other while my dad and his friends sat back and laughed evilly.

it’s true, those are the kinds of people who are going to be the bosses of everyone else later in life. it worked for my dad, hahaha.

cue the power struggle between tiffany and andrew

i’ll go to goodwill, buy a pantsuit, and pull all my hair back.

who am i? ellen degeneres.

i sang “difference” on the floor again… i’ve come full circle.

this time was, however, decidedly different. i joined the select group of singers who got to sing the famed “difference” solo. never in a million years did i think i would do it, but i’m really glad i got the chance to. 

it was very special. 

we sounded good, i hit the high c, anna’s solo was wonderful, tiffany and i got to give mr. aron and dr. sterk the flowers, we basically did a great job. i’m proud of everyone for a successful first concert.

tomorrow night, we’re doing it all over again. let’s hope it goes even better. 

i didn’t change the title

today during rehearsal mr. aron unexpectedly called me down to sing the first “difference” solo. i was caught off guard because i had not even considered trying out before then, but as the music started playing i decided it would be pretty fun to sing it… continuing a legacy and all that cheesy stuff, you know? well i sang it and i thought i did reasonably well, which was good not only because it was in front of the whole choir program, but also because on friday i sang the high c not so well and was looking to redeem myself since i’m pretty sure i’ve got big shoes to fill this year. i messed up a few times but nothing major, so i was satisfied with my performance. since so many people went and tried out after, i don’t know that i’ll do it in concert, but it was pretty fun to get called up by mr. aron nonetheless.

anyway after rehearsal was over, i was standing in front of the theater with anna and this freshman guy comes up to me and says, “i love your voice!” i said thank you and a very awkward conversation ensued where i found out that he saw cappella perform at hyde last year and he evidently had recognized me. i didn’t want to make a joke out of it or anything because he was earnest in his compliment, so after he left anna declared that i was the single most awkward person ever, not in possession of bad social skills so much as a total lack thereof. but hey, it’s not like that’s new information! anti-social is my middle name. i just kept expecting him to walk away and he kept not doing it, haha. but he was nice and while shocked i appreciated the compliment.

it was really strange, hahaha. i’m really flattered, of course, but it’s still funny. 

i really want to use this as the title of my poetry paper, but i just can’t see ms. filice fully appreciating it…

mad world is one of those rare songs that has a number of very good covers. 

the original is by tears for fears, but i think most covers are done of the version by gary jules. the tears for fears version is more upbeat and very 80s (this time i looked it up, released in 1982), while gary jules’ is slower and intensely emotional. the lyrics and tune are the same, but they’re completely different. while i do like tears for fears, i have to say i like the gary jules version better simply because of the feeling. most other covers are of the gary jules version, like adam lambert’s and alex parks’. they’re all still slightly different takes on one song. it’s about loneliness, being empty, and just feeling lost, things we all can relate to. 

this song shows up on my pandora station all the time, so i’ve been observing the different versions. in the end, it just comes down to it being an extremely well-written song. 

you know you live in california when you don’t feel an earthquake, hear about it 35 seconds later on facebook, and say, “oh well, i’ll catch the next one!”

i really wish i hadn’t gone to the unity rally today.

now hear me out. it’s not because i don’t support the cause. in fact, it’s exactly the opposite. i wish i hadn’t gone on campus to the unity rally today because in doing so, i missed all of the counter-protest. i did not get to see, hear, or have any proof that the westboro baptist protesters actually were there when they said they were. i did not get to stand against them or voice my opinion or even just be in the presence of the protest. frankly, i am very unhappy with the way the school handled the whole ordeal.

i understand the intent behind the “unity rally.” i get their excuses. “let’s not give them publicity.” “let’s show them that we are united together.” “let’s not get hurt by their words.” and i also get the meaning behind them. “let’s keep the emotional teenagers from doing something stupid that’s going to get them hurt or us sued.” of course, no one’s going to put that last reason on record, but i’m pretty sure we all recognize that it’s there. and i mean, i like my classmates and all, but there were just too many people proposing we throw eggs for me to be sure that had we actually had a counter-protest, nothing bad like that would have happened. i get it. i really do.

but i also think that it’s completely wrong for them to do everything in their power to prevent us from acknowledging the existence of the protesters. i’ll be honest, i really didn’t care about the dancing. i didn’t go to see that. i went to be a part of the movement against the hateful speech of the westboro baptist church.

my plan was to get there around 7:30, see how the posters on the front of the school were going, see the beginning of the rally, and then cut out to go see the actual protest. anyone who thought that the fact that we were going to be sequestered in the quad meant that there were going to be no protesters outside the school was obviously not thinking hard enough, because i hear there was a very sizable counter-protest. of course, i was not allowed anywhere near that. from the moment i hit the corner of finch and stevens creek, i was shuttled into the quad and told to stay put. not only was i not allowed out of the quad, i was also not allowed near the gate because i might (heaven forbid) see the protesters. the main gate in the quad had about 10 teachers guarding it for most of the morning, yelling at students to get away if anyone tried to look. same with every exit. see, i had been under the impression that the unity rally was, you know, a rally, not a lockdown.

in the protest, there was no violence. there was some shouting, but the speakers blasting in the quad made sure that i wasn’t going to be hearing that. all i wanted to do was see the protest. i didn’t need to go talk to them. i didn’t need to yell at them. i just wanted to see them. and our dear admin made it their personal goal to make sure i did nothing of the sort. i cannot help but think that’s wrong.

my friend and i went to every single exit onto finch to find a way out. as soon as the dancing started we knew that the “support the cause” part was effectively over and we wanted to find some other way to be part of the counter-protest. we finally got off campus a couple minutes later thanks to a lenient teacher near the student parking lot, but by the time we got anywhere near the protest the westboro baptist protesters had moved on.

 the only way i got to see the protesters was through the pictures other people took. i find that appalling. i came to participate in a counter-protest, or even just SEE a counter-protest, and all i got was to see some pictures of signs i’ve already seen on the internet. there was something very real, very important, and very unique going on in front of our school, and because i made the mistake of taking part in the school’s idea of a good plan, i missed all of it.

i should have waited until 8:00am and come over with my mom (who, by the way, actually got to see the protesters), then joined the counter-protests with the rest of the members of our community. there are pictures circulating of students with signs and protesters, and you can bet that they didn’t go to the rally. either from cupertino or other schools, they decided not to bother with the school-sanctioned event and go with the community instead. they were the smart ones.

now there are some of you here on tumblr who believed whole-heartedly in the whole “unity rally” thing. and that’s fine. it’s a perfectly valid idea. what is not okay with me is the fact that by coming at 7:30am to the finch avenue area, i was forced to participate in this rally. i was given no choice as to how i wanted to voice my support for the anti-westboro protests. you can argue for your rally to the death, but it’s not acceptable for me to have no other choice but to participate in it when i did not want to.

i wanted to see that protest. i had a right to see that protest. and yet, i didn’t get to. how is that a success?

i guess i should decide where i’m applying now, shouldn’t i…

don’t let inconsequential things like “actual physics” obstruct your ability to do “physics honors”

i’d like to be able to squander my time and not have to pay for it later, to shamelessly do nothing all afternoon and not have to work my butt off the following night to make up for it. i’d like to be able to sleep in on weekends and not worry about staying up too late. i’d like to watch tv and talk to my friends and surf the internet and not have a million things looming over my head. i’d like to be able to do things i want to do, not things i have to do.

i cannot comprehend the amazingness that is iphone 4S.
best birthday present ever.

• people i KNEW actually came this time, what a novel concept
• there are few things more awkward than getting knocked into by a sweaty couple freaking
• i hate almost all the music they play at dances
• especially when it’s at that awkward slow tempo that’s hard to dance to
• i swear it was not even physically possible for some of those skirts to be any shorter and still cover everything… come on you’re like 14
• everyone else sang along to “look at me now” by chris brown and i was the only one singing along to “pumped up kicks” by foster the people
• william kerr asked me to dance, and while we danced he asked if there were more moves to this particular dance than swaying back and forth… i was tempted to break out the slow-mo chicken dance
• but i didn’t, which is probably a good thing in the long run, hahaha
• we won homecoming! not a tie, the “the juniors were better but we can’t let the seniors lose” result, but an actual legitimate win. i have many problems with rallies but i’m glad our bid at the spirit week title was successful. good job everyone! :)

back from the homecoming game.

the team lost, but i still had a very good time!

we got there around 5:45, around the middle of the jv game when there were very few people there. i took the rest of the jv game to figure out what exactly was going on so i would know for the next game, and i was successful because i knew what was going on a good 80-85% of the time during the varsity game. which for me is a massive accomplishment, let me tell you.

by the time the varsity game had started, we were no longer the only people sitting there. there was a big group of our friends sitting behind us, so it was quite entertaining. the commentary was great. “tear their heads off— that’s a terrible thing to say— blood!— the cheerleaders are blocking my view!— wait what’s going on— ABDOOOOOOOOOOOOL!”

since it was all our friends and their friends, it was pretty much the abdel cheering section. like seriously, i think he got more cheers from our section than the rest of the team did from the rest of the bleachers. everyone kept failing miserably at coordinating the cheer, so it ended up being like one or two people yelling “ABDOOOOOOOOOOOOOL” one after another. i’m pretty sure everyone’s life would have been made had he turned around, but he never did. it’s unclear as to whether he even heard everyone cheering, but sitting in the middle of it was pretty dang entertaining. but at the beginning of the second half, about five people one after the other asked me what number he was. i understood why they had been cheering at completely random times: they hadn’t known which number he was, hahahaha. it was slightly more coordinated after that. but only slightly.

sure, they didn’t win, but everyone was really proud of them for getting the touchdown they did. we erupted into cheers when we saw the guy with the ball sprinting down the field ahead of everyone else, very exciting. and they only lost by one touchdown, which is very good! we were really happy, but then when shruthi and i were walking back to the band room after the pack of players, we heard how dismayed they were and felt so bad. some of them were really, really upset. they really had a shot at winning, which is i guess part of what made it so sad that they didn’t. but we’re proud of them regardless of whether they won or not. 

good job guys!

meanwhile, i’m going to bed.

seriously though, you don’t look attractive. you just look stupid.

where EVERYONE was having a bad day.

lack of sleep + too much work + stress of college apps and homecoming and everything else = a grumpy senior class.

i was singing along loudly to my music, thinking i was home alone… and then my mom came into my room saying she was leaving now.

so i just finished this article (i linked it if you want to read it) in national geographic about the teenage brain. (because of course i don’t have 1 million other things i should be doing instead, no way) it explained the psychology of the teenage mind, the biological reasoning behind it, and the evolutionary backing… and as dorky as it sounds it was really quite interesting.

in short, as teens, we don’t actually consider things much differently than adults. we see the same risks and the same rewards, but the difference is in the weight we give them. teenagers value the rewards more than they fear the risks, leading to sometimes-reckless behavior. we are more likely to take chances to win big than your average adult. it’s not faulty wiring that causes us to make questionable decisions, just a different risk versus rewards scale. social pressures affect us much more, and your mind values emotional stability as much as it does other needs like hunger and thirst. so when you’re depressed about your best friend backstabbing you or being ostracized from a group and you feel like it’s life or death, your mind is actually telling you it is. that’s also another reason why we’re so much more likely to take risks when we’re with our friends. social acceptance really is the end of the world when you’re a teenager.

as for the biology, i’ll be brief. basically, as teenagers we have fewer myelin cells (conductors) on our axons (the parts of neurons that connect to other cells) than adults do. what that means is our brain cells are less efficient in transmitting signals, but also much more likely to form new connections between cells. so our brain cells are making it harder for us to think normally but easier for us to learn, in short. also, we’re particularly receptive to oxytocin, which many of you know is one of the hormones that help us feel love and other emotions like that.

and why is this all significant? well, the risk-taking requires only a simple explanation: how are we, as teenagers, supposed to move up in the world if we don’t take more risks? if we didn’t, we’d stay on our parents’ couches for our entire lives, and that does not make for a productive society. social acceptance causes us to form relationships with other people our age, which in the long run will give us a societal advantage because we’re eventually going to be the ones running the world.

so while we’re all being stiflingly angsty, remember there’s a reason for it. we may be pains in the butt, but we’re also some of the most adaptive humans out there. so don’t feel bad about being depressed by fights with your friends or stupid decisions you’ve made. everything that’s happening to us, from the wonderful to the unpleasant, is happening for a reason, to prepare us for what’s to come. 

it takes a lot of courage, however, to say you’re sorry.

i’m going to do something completely uncharacteristic of myself, just to see the reaction.

sure, i couldn’t buy a ticket for it because i don’t have an id with my birthday on it, but that’s not the point. 

i, ellen jacobs, 17 year old, legally watched a rated r movie in theaters.

i had no idea it was such an ordeal!

the discipline of the band members, the rifle-throwing skills of the color guards, the dedication of the band parents, the vibrations from the drum lines, the music they were playing, their interesting costumes, the feathers on some of their hats… 

all very impressive.